Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

4th Edition 2016 Corny Corner

April 22, 2016
Filed under Backpage, The Crazy Corner

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin? I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. Q: What does a nosy pepper do? A: Gets jalapeño business! My grandpa has the heart of a lion...

Top Tips for surviving AP tests

Jacob Hepp, Staff Writer
April 22, 2016
Filed under Backpage

1) Visit a wise monk (preferably located on a mountain) for advice. 2) During the test, FaceTime your friend who is on the other side of the room—teamwork makes the dream work. 3) Cry. 4) So you don’t have to worry about keeping your hair out of your face, shave your head. 5) If you’re struggling...

Backpage GOP Obituaries

James Ricks, Backpage Editor
April 22, 2016
Filed under Backpage

Marco Antonio Rubio Marco Rubio, 44, died March15, 2016 of starvation. “We went on vacation and just forgot to fill his bowl before we left,” said current House speaker Paul Ryan. “We were usually pretty good at taking care of the little guy—we’d give him baths even.” The long-time favorite...

Backpage Profile: Early-onset senioritis kid

April 22, 2016
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

The warning signs started off small. Innocent. You spent hours watching Netflix. You didn’t to start homework until 9 pm. You spent hours googling pictures of baby animals. But by the time second semester hits, things have taken a turn for the worse. It’s harder and harder to drag yourself out of...

Backpage Profile: Thesaurus Kid

April 22, 2016
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

You sit down to write your English essay on the theme of To Kill a Mockingbird. The paper is due tomorrow, and you’ve only just started it now; you better make sure this seems like you tried hard on this one. It starts out alright with a nice introduction but as you get to your body paragraphs, you...

First look at new alien research

Paige Hopkins, Backpage Editor
April 22, 2016
Filed under Backpage

Fellow Patriots! For those who may not know, the Issaquah School Board is currently considering approving a $500 million bond for the Issaquah School District. They claim money is “needed” to build a “4th high school” because the number of students in the district is “increasing.” We know....

Humans of Liberty: Anna Woldstad (11)

Gabe Waldbaum, Staff Writer
April 18, 2016
Filed under Focus

“I want to be the acting form of Babe Ruth. I’ll send photos of myself to my fans for 35 cents and people will drive miles in their pickup trucks to see me act. This is why I have a big fear of going blind because I want to go into film. So I figure if I go blind I can’t watch movies, I can’t...

Tribute to Dawson Solly

Allie Bowe, Focus Editor
April 18, 2016
Filed under Focus

Dawson Solly was a Liberty graduate of 2012, and passed away on February 10, at the age of 21 from complications of flu and Type 1 Diabetes. During his four years at Liberty, he played bassoon for the  band, was a sports editor for the Patriot Press, and was involved in football, basketball, and track....

Patriot Profile: Katelen Baggenstos (10)

April 18, 2016
Filed under Focus

At 15 sophomore Katelen Baggenstos works part time at Stone Gate Stables, where she mucks the stalls, feeds the horses, gets them ready for lessons and can also ride the horses for exercise. Working 18 hours and not having enough time for herself, her education has been affected as well. “I get paid...

Patriot Profile: Andrew Houghton (10)

April 18, 2016
Filed under Focus

Sophomore Andrew Houghton works for a company known as Aspire Consolidated, which is the top website designing company in the western region. He got his job from his dad’s friend of a friend, who set him up with an interview. The company immediately liked him and hired him. Houghton is a sales division...

Patriot Press Reviews: A Court of Thorns and Roses

Bella Francavilla, Staff Writer
April 18, 2016
Filed under Entertainment

After years of thinking I had read so many wonderful books, none could compare to this book. The biggest page turner ever read in the whole library. This book is a powerful combination of mystery, suspense and a fierce passion like no other. The shear amount of detail and exposition portrayed in this...

Patriot Press Reviews: Zootopia

Jocelyn Tierney, Entertainment Editor
April 18, 2016
Filed under Entertainment

I went to this movie with the assumption that it would be just another silly, wholesome family movie with a simple plot: Judy Hopps becomes the first bunny to join the police force of Zootopia (a mammal metropolis) and quickly learns how tough it is to enforce the law. She becomes determined to prove...

Forum for student expression since 1977