Backpage Profile: Thesaurus Kid

You sit down to write your English essay on the theme of To Kill a Mockingbird. The paper is due tomorrow, and you’ve only just started it now; you better make sure this seems like you tried hard on this one.
It starts out alright with a nice introduction but as you get to your body paragraphs, you realize that this sounds all wrong. What would happen if you used as many big words as possible? That would get you an A, right?
You begin typing away with nimble fingers creating a pithy essay. Using augmented words makes the essay fly right out of you. A zephyr occurs because you’re typing at hypersonic speed. It’s like you’re adroit when it comes to sounding smart. There’s no paucity when it comes to making your essay sound better. You’ll definitely be able to procure this A. Even though this may seem nebulous, you don’t care. Using colossal words to aggrandize your essay is all that matters.
You finally cease your essay even though the amount of prodigious words seems interminable.
The time has come to submit your essay. There’s no way you won’t get an A with all these monstrous words. You give the paper to your teacher with a grin on your face.
A few weeks have passed and your teacher has finally given back your essay, with a gargantuan, voluminous, malodorous F. Along with the note, “Be smart about how you use your thesaurus.”
You is sad.
Thesaurus kid, you’re one of us.