The Patriot Press

Hot or Not? of History

September 26, 2018


Filed under Backpage, The Artichoke

Hot: Martin Luther’s heretical bestseller The 95 Theses The Discovery of Coffee Europe finally letting go of its colonies The Invention of Fire Socrates inventing his patented Socratic Seminars ™ The Scientific Revolution Not: King Tut’s early death (RIP KT 1324 B.C.) ...

Banned Homecoming dance moves

September 26, 2018


Filed under Backpage, The Artichoke

Liberty Homecoming has a timeless tradition of tasteful dancing. But it wasn’t always this way. Here are the most vile, scummy dances from Liberty’s unregulated dancing era. “The Sweaty Sock” This classic dance move was a homecoming staple until Mr. Kennedy tried the move back in ‘99....

Liberty Football asserts American dominance

Armurica Greatlee, Artichoke Editor

September 26, 2018


Filed under Backpage, The Artichoke

It’s not often that barbarians come to challenge you in your national sport. But that’s exactly what happened on August 31, the Friday before school started. They came from the north. With Canada having also declined to pay for a wall on their border with the U.S., it’s unknown if they came...

The Artichoke

Alexandra Fordhart and Alex Hartford

September 26, 2018


Filed under Backpage, The Artichoke

We here at the Artichoke have your best interests in mind. So in order to serve our loyal patrons, we have compiled the most important (and completely true) news headlines of the last few months. Always remember to stay informed! July 3 - After being faced with questions, Jon Kinsley explains that $1...

BP Profile: Sentimental kid

December 15, 2017


Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

You’ve always been the sentimental type. Throughout your youth, you obsessively scrapbooked and made sure to collect the signatures of every single kid in your grade for your yearbook. As you’ve grown up, you’ve kept every single toy and stuffed animal, writing your favorite memory about that...

BP Profile: Skiing kid

December 15, 2017


Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

After water skiing every day of the summer, you eagerly count the days until the first snow falls. You walk through the hallways every day, fully decked out in your ski gear. Your classmates have learned to duck whenever you walk around a corner so they don’t get hit in the head by your skis. Every...

Backpage Advice: Last minute college essay ideas

December 15, 2017


Filed under Backpage

Many high school seniors procrastinate on writing their college application essays. It can be stressful thinking of the perfect topic to write about. But don’t worry! The Backpage has put together a list of the best last-minute college essay ideas which are sure to get you into any school! The lessons...

Starbucks under fire for controversial cups

December 15, 2017


Filed under Backpage

The month of November had just begun, but people were already complaining about the hidden meaning behind Starbucks’ holiday-themed cups. The conspiracy this time? Starbucks is pushing the gay agenda on the public with their cups, which depict a pair of “gender-neutral hands.” As humans are wont...

Backpage Profile: Pumpkin spice kid

November 9, 2017


Filed under Backpage

You wake up to a text alert from Starbucks: “Pumpkin Spice season is back!” You’ve waited all year for this day, and you’re prepared to make the most of it. After changing into your pumpkin-themed orange outfit and spritzing yourself with pumpkin spiced fragrance, you head out. A pit stop...

Backpage Profile: Holding on to summer kid

November 9, 2017


Filed under Backpage

With wind rustling the trees and grey clouds blanketing the sky, you wake up and immediately check the weather on your phone. “High of 40, low of 30” it reads. “Perfect! I know exactly what I’ll wear!” you say while putting on a pair of board shorts and tank top. “It’s pouring rain....

Get to know your Liberty cults

November 9, 2017


Filed under Backpage

Here at Liberty, we are one. We encourage students to join clubs, participate in activities, and make friends. However, some groups take this more seriously than others, earning spots on the Liberty Cult Watch List. Let’s get to know the Liberty cults! Cross Country The Cross Country cult preaches co...

Schools crack down on dabbing and bottle flipping epidemic

November 9, 2017


Filed under Backpage

Car accidents. House fires. Gunshot wounds. Dabbing. Bottle flipping. What do these all have in common? Their extreme danger. This is why Liberty’s handbook video has banned dabbing and bottle flipping on premises, for fear of the incredibly harmful side effects of these actions. Studies have shown...

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