Liberty freshman’s “hot take” causes lunchtime riot

Emily Allard, Backpage Editor

Everyone has an unpopular opinion that they hold near and dear to their heart. We all know someone who will be a Samsung advocate until the day they die or who loves pickles so much that they drink the juice from the jar. As for freshman Andrew Shmate, his “hot take” is that the women’s suffrage movement was a hoax. 

“The women’s suffrage movement was not real. No one told women they couldn’t vote. They were simply too lazy,” Shmate said. 

Shmate has made his passion for this topic clear. Shmate brought his opinion to JSA in hopes that he could debate the topic with the club, but he was denied. 

“My teachers and peers keep telling me to ‘shut up’, and that info-wars and 4chan are ‘not valid news sources’,” Shmate said, “but I think they’re just afraid to face the facts. They’re trying to take away my free speech. I blame the woke, sensitive liberals for the spread of misinformation.”

However, not everyone is against Shmate. His girlfriend, senior Allison Smith, can see his point of view. 

“I think Andypoo is misunderstood. He might really be onto something. Women are starting to get a little too powerful… I don’t even need rights. I can be Andrew’s trophy wife,” Smith said.

Shmate’s view has been seemingly harmless besides minor annoyances reported by his teachers and peers. Disaster struck on the afternoon of March 1 when Shmate got into an altercation with sophomore Nicole Jones during lunch.

“Andrew was trying to argue with me,” Jones said, “so I started poking fun at his men’s rights blog. He thinks he’s always right. He’s the reason people say ‘kill all men’.”

Shmate felt that Jones was “afraid to face the obvious truth”, and that she was acting as “an arm of the matriarchy”, hence leading Shmate to lash out. 

“People are so stupid. They just haven’t done enough research. Women manipulate us every day and we let them get away with it. Nicole is just brainwashed,” Shmate said.

It was at this point that Shmate began crying and throwing nearby objects, enraging those nearby.

“I was reading a book about women’s suffrage to supplement my APUSH studies,” junior Sarah Johnson said, “and that freak Andrew snatched it out of my hand and threw it in the trash while screaming that I was reading of lies crafted by women. He called me a ‘sheeple’?”

It wasn’t long until the entire cafeteria got involved in a full-fledged food fight, with the entire cafeteria vs. Shmate. 

“Even the history teachers showed up to pelt their lunch at me. I ended up digging that god forsaken book out of the trash and using it as a shield, all because everyone is under the spell of the matriarchy” Shmate said. 

While Shmate has yet to find someone to back him up, he is certain that one day the “truth” will unveil itself. 

“The only reason no one agrees with me is simply because I’m too knowledgeable. Everyone will be apologize to me when men are fighting for the right to breathe” Shmate said.