Recipe Card #1

Christmas

Ingredients:

• Two uncles fighting over political beliefs
• One college brother’s dairy-free, fat-free, all-natural, vegan girlfriend who he brings home last minute
• One grandmother asking if you’ve finally gotten a boyfriend
• Six fights over who gets to put the star on the tree
• One mom wrapping gifts that Dad will slap his name on
• 1.5 million children receiving coal in their stocking
• One dad lurking with a garbage bag ready to grab every piece of wrapping paper the second you rip it off your presents
• 96 hours of Hallmark movies being streamed
• 50 different influencers posting their yearly “I’m not spoiled, just really grateful” recap of every present they received

Recipe Card #2

Christmas Crack

*better than what you’ll find on side street*

Serves: 8-10, but let’s be honest, you and your big back will eat it all yourself anyways

Instructions: 

1. Preheat oven to 400°, line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray
2. Lay saltines in even rows on the baking sheet, set aside
3. In a pot over medium high heat, melt 1 cup butter and 1 cup brown sugar and whisk. Let it boil for a few minutes, whisking the whole time
4. Pour the mixture over the saltines, spread evenly, and place in the oven for 5 minutes
5. Remove from the oven and pour chocolate chips on top. Place back in the oven for 1 minute then remove and smooth out the chocolate chips[
6. Add sprinkles on top and enjoy!

Recipe Card #3

New Years 

Ingredients:

• One friend who only celebrates New York New Year’s and goes to bed at 9:30 p.m.
• 20 glasses of “champagne” that everyone pretends isn’t apple juice
• One perfect New Year’s kiss that ends up never happening
• 14 various dips at the buffet without any real food
• Two fingers being blown off by a firework because you decided a Roman Candles game of chicken seemed smart at 1 a.m.
• One King County firework ban being broken 50 times within the district
• Ten people crashing out when they realize they didn’t actually do anything worth celebrating this year
• Three new resolutions that you’ll break before even leaving the party
• 12 comments that you haven’t seen someone since “last year”
• 12 people telling you to shut up when you say you haven’t seen them since “last year”

Recipe Card #4

Hot Cocoa

Ingredients:

• Milk
• Whipped Cream
• Marshmallows
• Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa Mix (you could get another brand, but why get the knock off? It’s just lazy)

Instructions 

1. Open a Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa packet
2. Pour the packet into a mug (seems self-explanatory but okay)
3. Fill the mug with milk
4. Mix (I mean come on guys, it’s not that hard)
5. Place the mug in the microwave for 1.5 minutes
6. Top with whipped cream and marshmallows (or don’t and be boring)
7. Enjoy (why did you need a recipe for this?)