The Patriot Press

Backpage Controversy

Backpage Controversy

Alex Hartford and Arne Grette December 23, 2018

Recently, a group of students have filed a proposal to Superintendent Ron Thiele petitioning to have the current extremely dangerous 10 mph limit raised to a much more reasonable 45 mph. It’s a little...

‘Twas the night before winter break...

‘Twas the night before winter break…

Edgar Alex Toe, to be or not to be? December 23, 2018
‘Twas the night before Winter Break, when all through Liberty High, not a creature was stirring, not even freshman guys!

The Artichoke: Liberty’s Finest News Source

Elflex Tinselford, Singing out loud for all to hear December 23, 2018
Here on the backpage, we understand that trying to follow the news can be overwhelming. That’s why we’re dedicated to providing you, our loyal readers, with the most important, quasi-plausible headlines that you need to know.

L-Files #4: The Illuminati at Liberty?

December 23, 2018

As the school year has progressed, a startling new trend has emerged. A series of problems that have only been getting worse. All evidence that the illuminati has infiltrated Liberty. The long line of...

Disappearance of kids who set the curve

Tatum Lindquist, Editor in Chief November 24, 2018

I don’t have much time; they’re on to me. I don’t know if they’ll find this, or if they don’t, if anyone will read it, but I must attempt to reveal the truth. Liberty’s culture equates students’...

What truly goes down in the chemical storage room?

November 24, 2018

It's no secret that Buchli stows away his students’ backpacks during a test in the chemical storage room, but his motives are far more horrifying than anyone could have ever imagined.  The brave speculate...

Hot or Not? of History

September 26, 2018

Hot: Martin Luther’s heretical bestseller The 95 Theses The Discovery of Coffee Europe finally letting go of its colonies The Invention of Fire Socrates inventing his patented Socratic...

Banned Homecoming dance moves

September 26, 2018

Liberty Homecoming has a timeless tradition of tasteful dancing. But it wasn’t always this way. Here are the most vile, scummy dances from Liberty’s unregulated dancing era. “The Sweaty Sock” This...

Liberty Football asserts American dominance

Armurica Greatlee, Artichoke Editor September 26, 2018

It’s not often that barbarians come to challenge you in your national sport. But that’s exactly what happened on August 31, the Friday before school started. They came from the north. With Canada...

The Artichoke: Liberty’s Finest News Source

Alexandra Fordhart and Alex Hartford September 26, 2018
We here at the Artichoke have your best interests in mind. So in order to serve our loyal patrons, we have compiled the most important (and completely true) news headlines of the last few months. Always remember to stay informed!
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