Burn One for Les Homies

French Backpage Correspondent Église Brûlée sat down with the famous, unemployed, and recently homeless Hunchback of Notre Dame to interview him on his future plans following the partial destruction of his workplace.

Arne Grette and Alex Hartford

Q: So, after getting fired from your last job, are there any other medieval cathedrals you’d be interested in hunch-backing at?
A: Well, I haven’t interviewed since the 13th century, but as long as there are bells to be rung, I’m sure I could find a job.

Q: Let’s practice: what is the most important lesson you learned at your last job?
A: Smoking on the job and old wooden structures don’t mix well.

Uh… moving on—do you feel like your 1996 Disney biography was an accurate portrayal?
A: It was mostly accurate, but I wish they had gotten somebody to play me that was more of my body type. I’ve always thought I’ve had a Chris Hemsworth-style frame.