News from The Artichoke

Backpage reporters Arne R. Murrow and Alex Kronkite bring you today’s headlines, breaking news, and believable falsehoods, because we know you’re too lazy to figure it out yourselves.

Arne Grette and Alex Hartford

“Liberty 2” Announced:

“It’ll be twice as good as the first one,” Lead Developer Sean Martin said.*

*New features to include online play, paid DLC, double XP weekends, among others.


Costco Gains a Competitor

Liberty DECA officers finally try their hand at a discount at the Patriot Pantry with their new “Buy 50, get one free” deal.

“This is as good as it gets,” DECA president Stin G. said.


“Leaf is Murder”

Liberty students protest “unethical plant consumption” as videos surface of mistreated crops at farms across America. “Is your right to nourish your body worth the killing of millions of innocent corn cobs?” protest leader Ung Risonable said.

The organization suggests that we instead opt for a mostly meat diet to prevent plant mistreatment.