We here at the Artichoke have your best interests in mind. So in order to serve our loyal patrons, we have compiled the most important (and completely true) news headlines of the last few months. Always remember to stay informed!

July 3 – After being faced with questions, Jon Kinsley explains that $140 parking fee is for “maintenance and stuff,” and is “totally not going towards the staff donut fund”

July 24 – Student who spent $600 on senior pictures says that he “doesn’t regret it at all” and that the $500 editing fee “really brings out my eyes”

August 24 – School shooters report they are “absolutely stumped” after trying without avail to open locked doors at Liberty High School.

September 15 – Trump responds to anonymous Op-Ed by calling author “liar liar pants on fire” — thankfully takes media advisor’s advice to drop “hanging from a telephone wire” addition, citing a desire for “an even more cruel and unusual punishment” for journalists

September 24 – Issaquah School Board discusses how best to change the Liberty schedule each year to ensure maximum confusion among students

Keep an eye out for more reporting from The Artichoke — your source for news with integrity — in next month’s issue.