Despite His Unfortunate Lack of Housekeeper, LHS Junior Still Manages to “Scrape By”

Elise Sickinger, Backpage Editor

As the troubles of isolation are bearing down upon us, it’s become apparent that no group is immune to the burdens of the coronavirus. People of all shapes and sizes have been affected by COVID-19 in some way or another, and no student at Liberty is an exception.

    “At first I thought it was bad when I couldn’t go into the salon and get my fringe touched up,” wealthy junior Aiyowne Aboat said. “I actually had to have my help do it, basically by myself. My color went from ‘Honey-Chestnut’ to ‘Honey-Chocolate.’” 

    In times like these, even our most privileged fellow students are facing daily struggles. After all, being unable to access ordinary services has rendered many citizens helpless.

    “Things have gotten so bad with this whole virus thing, I actually had to drive my c300 Benz all the way to Whole Foods by myself. Our housekeeper is in, like, critical condition or something, I dunno. But usually she does that crap for me. Like, how am I supposed to know which brand of organic liquid hand soap to buy? She puts it all in our handcrafted Swedish crystal dispenser-pumps for us.”

    Despite not even having a private town-car driver to escort him, this brave junior is still managing to scrape by throughout day-to-day life. It’s stories like these that give us all hope, and the knowledge of that is what also keeps Aboat afloat.

    “Yea before she dipped, our housekeeper made me a face mask with the Louis Viutton logo on it—so that was pretty clutch of her. Like, at least I still got some nasty drip out of this bro.”