It’s no secret that Buchli stows away his students’ backpacks during a test in the chemical storage room, but his motives are far more horrifying than anyone could have ever imagined.  The brave speculate that he plants nano-sized cameras on cell phones to track how often his students use social media. The naïve blissfully believe that nothing happens at all.

Here at Backpage, we are committed to telling you the truth—no matter the cost.

A long-since retired science teacher, living in Liberty’s chemical storage room, rummages through students’ backpacks. It’s too crazy to imagine, so it must be true. While skeptics point out that since no food is allowed in the chemical storage room, no hombody could live in there alone—but! All any science teacher needs to survive is the bare minerals and elements to conjure up his own food. But there’s no running water, they say. Au contraire, as The Martian proved, a science teacher only needs to make his own water from the air around him.

The fact of the matter is that a former Liberty teacher must be hiding out in the storage room, collecting strands of hair, dusting for fingerprints, and replicating DNA samples from water bottles.

However, it is the use of these samples that terrifies even Backpage. Within the recesses of the chemical storage room, a hidden door leads into an underground laboratory where our science teachers are growing a new human specimen—yes, you read that right. All these years, under the ruse that it makes a test “more secure,” Liberty’s science teachers have been collecting samples of DNA, genetically modifying human embryos in order to culture the smartest Liberty student who will bring glory to Liberty’s science department, receiving academic rewards beyond any science teacher’s wildest dreams.

So, while everyone else believes that the chemical storage room is just for storing chemicals, Backpage knows what’s up, and we’re just as horrified as you.