What is flex time? Who knows, truly. Very few Patriots know what the nebulous thirty-five minutes of free time will hold next year. It’s been rumored this time has been designated to catch up on homework or do some reading, but that sounds lame and unproductive. Instead, I’ve compiled a list of better ways to spend flex time. 

• Record a hit Soundcloud album

If you’ve heard any recent Soundcloud rappers, you know that it doesn’t take more than twenty minutes for them to lay down a verse, making flex time the perfect time to jumpstart your rap career. (Bonus points: Flex Time would be a dope album title.) 

• Call your grandma 

She misses you! She loves you so much, and she wants to know how you’re doing! She’s getting older, so you really should check on her while she’s still around…

• Get into a fight with a niche TikTok micro-influencer 

The next time you see a New York fashion influencer showing off their designer OOTD, comment, “This is satire right?” Watch them spiral. When they brag about attending NYU, comment, “oh, I’ve never heard of that”. You will break them.

• Make an NFT

Everyones doing it—Paris Hilton, Jimmy Fallon, Serena Williams, and Justin Beiber. All you have to do is draw a picture, then sell it to someone for millions of dollars. When they ask you for the picture, let them know that they own it, but they can’t hold it physically, but it’s theirs. 

• Start a pyramid multi-level marketing scheme

It’s not that complicated. All you have to do is recruit two people, then they recruit two people. It all adds up to make a sort of triangle shape. It’s not a pyramid scheme, I swear. You’d just be an independent girlboss making your own money. 

• Move to the French Riviera

The commute wouldn’t be that bad. You could take up painting. You could lie in the sun on the vine-covered balcony of your chateau. Your Parisian lover could feed you grapes and cheese. Then, of course, you would go back to 4th period.