Welp Patriots. We’re back in the full swing of the school year, which can only mean one thing: emotional instability. As tests, homework, and extracurriculars begin to flow, so do the tears. There’s nothing worse than being caught crying by a teacher or worse–a counselor. To help you all out, I’ve identified the top five places to cry at school. 

1. In your car (or a friend’s car)

Your car is your personal space, and your car does not judge. If anyone finds you crying, say you were watching Up or listening to Frank Ocean. For extra privacy, park in the back lot to cry. 

2. In Buchli’s secret room 

No one goes in Buchli’s secret room–except for Buchli–so you would be pretty safe. Buchli is no stranger to crying students, so if he finds you, he won’t mind. 

3. The locker room (in the locker) 

The full-sized lockers are just big enough to fit you, a box of tissues, and all of your shame. If anyone walks in, stay still and stay quiet. Student-athletes CAN smell your fear.

4. The black box

If Dr. Butterworth catches you crying dramatically enough, he might give you a lead in the spring musical. 

5. The Patriot Pantry

Rumour has it that if you cry hard enough, the DECA employees will give you a free smoothie to make you stop. 

Always remember, no matter what you do, do NOT cry in the bathrooms. There is nothing more humiliating than when the kid vaping in the bathroom knocks on the stall door and asks if you’re ok. You always say yes, but you both know you’re not.