BP Profile: Fantasy Football Kid

Sylvie Cao, Managing Editor

After a season of nervously sweating over bowls of salsa and chips and screaming at your TV every weekend, you listlessly scroll through Shakira’s Instagram to reminisce over the good moments of the 2019 Super Bowl. To cope with the emptiness of each day, you rotate through the 53 jerseys belonging to the starting roster of the Miami Dolphins, your all time favorite team. In the background, your laptop loops the highlights of the best game of the season–the rapture-filled 10 minutes and 16 seconds when the Dolphins beat the Patriots. The dark circles under your eyes are more prominent than ever after weeks of crying; you don’t know what to do with your life now that fantasy football is dead. The days have just blended together since the Super Bowl, and your Sundays are boring and meaningless now that the boys aren’t arguing about what happened to Marshawn Lynch’s stats last week. You haven’t touched a buffalo wing in weeks, because they just don’t taste the same without an accompanying game. It’s been hard, but you’ll hold out until the draft in April. You’ve tried to get into the XFL, but you’re a purist and nothing compares to the play and excitement of a true NFL game. Unfortunately, you’ve also been banned from your English Socratic Seminars after you wouldn’t stop talking about the last Miami Dolphins Super Bowl appearance in 1984—you’d think George Orwell would have had the decency to mention it. Fantasy Football kid, you’re one of us.