Starbucks under fire for controversial cups

The month of November had just begun, but people were already complaining about the hidden meaning behind Starbucks’ holiday-themed cups. The conspiracy this time? Starbucks is pushing the gay agenda on the public with their cups, which depict a pair of “gender-neutral hands.” As humans are wont to do in times of political disaster, hundreds took to social media sites to share their opinions.

“These big wigs at Starbucks are trying to push the gay agenda on us normal people,” said Evan Gelical said. “What’s next—chemicals in our coffee to turn us gay?”

The complaints about the Starbucks holiday cup, however, are not a new development. In the twenty years that Starbucks has been releasing holiday-themed cups, almost every year has been plagued with controversy and accusations against the company. One of the worst years for the holiday cups was 2015, when Starbucks released a line of basic red cups in the hopes that no one would be offended by a simple, plain color.

“We really did think that the solid red was brilliant—how can anyone be offended by a solid color?” local barista Coffeema Ker said. “Boy, were we wrong.”

Indeed, they were wrong. Accusations came out of the woodworks, the mass of them centered on this evident “War on Christmas” that Starbucks was waging.

“I saw that red cup and boy was I furious,” Gelical said. “I mean, who are they to take the Christmas off of my coffee cup?”

In lieu of these controversial cups, Starbucks has released a new cup, depicting two nondescript hands in the shape of a heart; the idea is to write the name of someone close to you in the center of the two hands. Again, Starbucks figured that this would quell the controversy for the year, right?


The LGBT community lashed out, claiming that Starbucks did not stand their ground well enough, and that they were launching a new campaign against the LGBT community.

“I saw that they changed the cup and I threw my phone out my window. How could they turn on us like that?” Sue Persensitive said.

The LGBT community were not the only ones with complaints: the environmentalists arose from their treehouses once again to campaign against the fact that the cups are not recyclable.

“This issue is not new, their cups have never been recyclable,” Treelo Ver said. “You’d think that after twenty years of making these holiday-themed cups that they would be recyclable by now. Starbucks simply just doesn’t care about the world.”

In order to appease all of these requests, Starbucks has come up with a new plan.

“Because people can’t get over a decorated cup and a non-decorated cup, we’re getting rid of cups entirely.” Imso Dunwithis said. “We’re just going to pour the drinks into their hands.”

This new line of non-cups is to be released on the 20th, with hopes that the controversy will end.