BP Profile: Never Actually Awake Kid

New Years is a time to make resolutions for the upcoming year, but many people don’t end up following through. Here at the Backpage we have predicted how Liberty student’s resolutions will go:

I want to save my money:
On January 1, looking at the grand total of $26.31 in your wallet, you vow to save your money this year.
You barely survive the next week without buying anything. “It’s a lot harder than I thought to make it through the week without my PSL and CBR. I actually had to pack a lunch today. Gross,” you complain.
You make it through the week and then decide to reward yourself. Buying one Snapple and Chicken Alegrete won’t break the bank, right? Well…
For the next few days you limit yourself to only buying one item at lunch. You know what you’re doing is wrong, but you can’t help yourself.
On January 14 you realize you’ve already not been successful. Maybe enrolling in money management courses will help. But, as you open your wallet, you realize you have no money left!
Well, looks like the long wait until Christmas money begins.

I want to get in shape:
After a long night of appropriate partying (full of censored music, dancing at appropiate distances from each other and modest clothing, of course) you awake on January 1 with a new mindset: to get in better shape in the new year. You prepare leftover pizza and cake for breakfast promising yourself to start eating healthy tomorrow (baby steps). Next, you head straight to the mall to buy some new workout clothes. Hopefully they’ll motivate you to excersise more.
Later that week you start to eat healthy. Well kind of. Jelly donuts are healthy because they have fruit inside, right?
January 31 rolls around, and you realize that you aren’t in shape yet. It’s actually going to require some effort, so you give up. Returning to your bag of Cheetos Puffs, you begin looking at pictures of fit people online in hopes that it will magically give you a 6-pack as well. Don’t worry, there’s always next year.
I want to improve my grades:
You open the gradebook on January 1 and scream, seeing something more frightening than a horror movie. You then decide to make a change by devoting your life to the highly respected, craft of studying. Crazy, we know! Who would do that?
For three straight days, you don’t leave your room. Replenishing your smart water (the drink of smart people) is the only exception. You don’t even venture out of your study-space for school. School’s not important anyways; studying is.
But while studying, you start to receive distracting calls from the Attendance Intervention Team. They send you back to school, clearly unaware of your new strategy.
Once back at school, you realize how far behind you are. So you give up, sit in the back of the classroom, and watch Netflix. It’s okay though, your college admission counselors will admire your dedication to The Office.