Backpage Profile: Talks-like-they-text kid

You roll out of bed after a long night of tweeting about clown sighting videos. As you pour your morning cup of coffee and wonder how you’ll get through the day on four hours of sleep, you mutter, “lmao, today will be a grat tim.”
As you pull into the lit Lib parking lot, you gasp in annoyed shock when you see that some heathen stole your spot and say “smh…” without actually shaking your head. You decide to parallel park on the road. “It’s a good thing my car is a smol boi so it can fit between these two thicc SUVs,” you say.
You waltz into AP Stats and are greeted with the sinking realization that you have to take a pop quiz. As Kruzich sends the grade-tanker to your calculator, you lament your inevitably falling grade with a faint “RIP.” After the quiz, when your friend asks you how you did, you reply, “#Yikes. I really took an L on that one.” You ignore the confused looks of your classmates; if they memed more, they’d understand.
At lunch, you announce to your table that you’re making a run to the Patriot Pantry with a simple “brb, ttyl fam.” When the cashier takes the order for your daily Triple Berry smoothie, you respond with a heartfelt “ty!!” As you sip your fruity pick-me-up a few moments later, you engage in your daily prayer by spiritually whispering, “t god.”
At the end of the day as you huddle up with your squad in the cafeteria, you’re struck by how #blessed you are and how much you care for your pals. You put your hand on your heart as a tear rolls down your cheek. You emotinally cry, “Ily, guys. Ilysm.”
Talks-like-they-text kid, you’re one of us.