Trust me on this kid

Second period Algebra 2: you walk in, Redbull in one hand, cell phone in the other. Your backpack is overflowing with blank homework papers accompanied by a Costco bag of Cheez-Its. After you copy down all the homework answers, you ask the thought-provoking question. Why are we talking about logs in math class? You’re a talented individual; without touching a calculator you can chop wood all day, make a living, and eat pi as long as you want.

At your teacher’s first mention of pi, the PTSD ignites, and all you can think of is your thirteenth birthday pie-eating contest where you passed into a food coma that persisted for a week. Your teacher tries to convince you that pi is a never-ending number between 3 and 4. But you know better— so you confidently inform the class, pie is actually a never-endingly sweet homemade pastry filled with cholesterol and regret. Sure your teacher has a master’s degree in Astro-Algebraic Calculus of the Universe, but you’re a high school student with a trendy backpack, hipster style and a first place pie-eating trophy.

The purpose of teaching students the falsehood of life will always perplex your privileged mind. Maybe next year’s Pre-Calc class will understand your degree of ingenuity. But not to worry now, your hip, young, intelligent, radical lifestyle is all you need to conquer today’s heresy.
“Trust me on this one” Kid, you’re one of us.