Backpage reveals construction conspiracies

While the construction era may be over, we are still feeling its effects. Many thought that with the death of the old building, the conspiracies about the truth of Liberty’s shady and mysterious past would die with it. However, we at the Backpage have uncovered the newest batch of fantastic and grotesque truths about our new building that will boggle the minds of Patriots for generations to come:

The courtyard area was created by Mrs. Reischl in an attempt to recreate Vietnam.

While many hail the mysterious new courtyard/sanctuary/rain garden thing where the old 500 wing used to be as a verdant triumph, we at the Backpage know the real reason behind the green patch in an otherwise drab, grey school. That’s right, while the District and Eco Squad will tell you it’s to promote sustainability, we at the Backpage know it’s really English teacher Tonja Reischl’s attempt to recreate the rice fields, jungles and river deltas of Vietnam for her unit on Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried. Now students can get fully immersed in the text by building a hooch with their class, ducking for cover while the Liberty bell system simulates Vietcong mortar fire. Nobody will care about the waste of money on this pit when students get to experience the muddy horrors of war first hand on campus. Now when people ask about this unit, seniors can respond in typical “Nam” fashion: “you don’t know man, you weren’t there.”

The flooding door next to the Library is Ms. Daughters’ attempt to make an indoor practice area for swim.

For years, popular English teacher and known chlorine enthusiast Kris Daughters has lobbied unsuccessfully to gain a pool for the Liberty swim team.

Even though, yet again, the District has passed up this opportunity, it has not stopped the determined coach from getting her pool. By sabotaging the doorways of our fair school, Daughters has begun the process of creating a marvelous indoor swimming space for her team. By utilizing the power of nature, an indoor swimming pool appears in our doorways when it rains, saving the District the time and money it would take to build a real pool in the first place. This may cause students an inconvenience when going to class but don’t worry – next time it happens, remind yourself that Daughters’ improvised pool is grooming future Liberty State championships.