Can’t Even kid

Monday: your weekly break from a straight 48-hours of weekend Tumblr-prowling and watching Youtube make-up tutorials. You wake up to the buzz of your alarm—it’s four AM. Getting up before the crack of dawn is a small sacrifice to pay in order to submit your luscious locks to a thorough frying. After a couple hours of eliminating all traces of what mother nature intended you to look like, you step outside.

That’s when things start to go sour. You feel a single drop of precipitation fall upon your head. Oh, hail no! Suddenly, the five-foot gap between you and your car becomes as endless as the line outside the Taylor Swift concert! You rush toward the door, but the five droplets that managed to get on you have done their damage.

Struggling to first period, you decide to check your Insta-account for a boost. You can’t believe your eyes: that totes presh duck-face pic you posted last night only has 60 likes! OMG! Do your followers like not even realize how many angles you had to take Uh, whatever! You try to shake it off, and head to Starbucks.

After half-an-hour, you finally leave, cradling your most treasured possession (besides your iPhone 7S): the trendy Pumpkin Spice Latte. But before you realize what’s happening, you plant your brand new Uggs in a pot hole. You tumble, spilling your latte all over your holey sweater. When you get a text from your B.F.F. asking how your day’s going, there’s only one appropriate response. “Can’t Even” Girl, you’re, like, totally one of us.