Fly Assassin

Drew Brady, Senior Writer

You hold one belief in common with Hamlet, Romeo, and almost every other Shakespearean character: if you wait too long to act, you end up dead around the corpses of your loved ones.

Your call to action came one day when you were telling people how disgusting you think hunting is, and how awful it is that big housing developments are forcing cute forest creatures out of their natural habitats. But EWW! While you were telling people off about your noble passion for animal preservation, a fly flew right by your face and landed on your desk.

Who does that fly think he is interrupting you like that? Invading your space? Don’t let anyone try to tell you that you’re invading what was once the fly’s space. That’s ridiculous! If flies wanted their own space they should’ve paid millions to have a building constructed for flies and flies alone.

You pause and witness the creature staring back at you. You plan your attack like you are Bear Grylls defending his campsite on “Man vs. Wild.” You let your fly-swatting sabre crash down upon the six-legged fiend, but the wicked creature flies off, taunting you. It’s the middle of class, but you’re sure that everyone will understand that you’re hunting the innards of a demon. You stand, run, and take one more powerful swipe and have finally defeated your true rival, and right on the teacher’s desk! Extra credit for you! Fly Assassin, you’re one of us.