What happens when you bring a robot baby to school?

Olivia Briggs, Editorial Board Member

We’ve all seen the babies being lugged around by tired-looking students. But really, how hard could taking care of one of those babies be?
I can tell you how hard it was because I did the baby project the week before Thanksgiving break.
After presenting me with my own robot baby, Mrs Sirotzki asked me, “What do you want to name her?”
I had nothing planned, so I said the first name that came to my mind: Alex, the female character from Minecraft.
The baby didn’t cry for the first hour, but I knew she was a ticking time bomb.
Of course, it finally happened when the class was silent. The first cry was quiet. I froze. Then, Alex made the noise again. I sprang up, knocking papers off of my desk. Every head in the class shot up. She started to get louder.
I hurried to grab the bag and her carrier. The bag was stuck; the class was laughing as I rushed out the door. The baby carrier slammed into the side and there was a collective gasp.
Reaching the hallway, I had no idea what to do. I tried the bottle. It didn’t work. I hurriedly tore her clothes off and changed her diaper. That didn’t work either. Eventually, I figured it out. I needed to touch the sensor on her neck before it would register that I was feeding her.
After Alex’s first fit, I was pretty much a pro. I ran the carrier into doors just about every single time I went through them, and missed only two full class periods.
During swim practices, I couldn’t leave Alex on the pool deck, because she wasn’t allowed anywhere near chlorinated water. So I had to leave her with my seventh-grade sister.
As well as distracting me from two projects and studying for a unit test, she took away valuable sleep that I needed. Alex cried four times between ten and midnight, as well as three times during the early morning, aka three am.
The sleep deprivation made it even more difficult the next day to handle her fits every class period, up to four times.
I ended with a 60% score, and, as I expected, 19% of “my” mistakes took place during the time my sister had the baby.
Altogether, Alex was wonderful for sleep deprivation and good at sinking grades. I would not recommend having a child for many, many years.