There are thousands of ways to respond to the words “I’m queer.” People may reply with “thank you for telling me” or “I support you.” Occasionally, they might even say “me too.” Alternatively, there’s the response of “no you’re not,” which is usually followed by some sentiment of “queer people aren’t real.” 

People who don’t understand queer identities or refuse to acknowledge them use this argument to dismiss queer topics. This way of thinking isn’t new, though; confusing science and subtle movie themes get disregarded all the time because people can’t understand them. 

Although, the commonality doesn’t make it reasonable. Discussions are the basis for fostering human empathy. How many times has Mr. Level reminded students that this is why English classes are so important? No one would get an in-depth understanding of 1984 by George Orwell if it wasn’t for the classroom discussions and Socratic Seminars. Similarly, if Mr. Kurtz didn’t force students to learn about history, none of us would be as sympathetic to the hardships other people have had to go through. Dismissing topics that you don’t understand merely shuts down open communication. 

I’ve seen this dismissive mindset especially targeted towards teenagers. In an age with the internet, teenagers are growing up with better understanding of not just queerness but mental health too. Many adults that were not given this access to information at our age get scared by their lack of understanding, so instead of trying to learn more, they disregard these parts of teen’s identities that are crucial to their development. 

The generation before our parents might even argue that queer identities are new or non-existent because in their minds: “there weren’t gay people when they were a kid”. This absence of queerness, however, is more a byproduct of the AIDS epidemic and queer prosecution than actual lack of queer individuals.

Historically, differences in humans that have been deemed “wrong” are punished. Nowadays, queer people, people with left-handedness, and various other traits are able to talk about their differences without fear of violence or death. That doesn’t mean that these traits are new, it simply means that they’re now more socially acceptable. 

Queer identities might be better received in the 2020s than in the 1930s, but if teens are being treated like they’re wrong or stupid for identifying as gay or trans, then that progress isn’t as good as we thought, is it?

In fact, this dismissal often works to ignore the discrimination that queer people face. If queerness isn’t real then our problems aren’t real. Even worse, this isn’t only done to disregard queer discrimination, but also to diminish the struggles of most marginalized groups. People of color aren’t struggling if “racism isn’t a problem”. Women aren’t treated as less than men if “America doesn’t struggle with sexism”. 

It’s important to be gracious with those who don’t understand the intricacies of queerness, but when people refuse to learn and choose to be ignorant, it becomes a pattern that restricts discussion and dehumanizes queer individuals.

Rather than defaulting to dismissing aspects of people that may be hard to understand, you should find ways to learn. One method is asking questions. You can begin with “could I ask you about your identity?” and if someone is comfortable with it, then you can discuss your confusions in a safe and kind manner. 

Another option is to simply research your confusions. There are thousands of websites dedicated to explaining queer concepts, but some useful resources are: The Trevor Project, a nonprofit aimed to support queer youth; GLSEN, an organization working to improve LGBTQ education in schools; and Gender Spectrum, a group dedicated to making a safe space for all gender identities.

Engaging with queer discussions can bring us as people closer together. Learning about difficult or confusing topics, especially in regards to identity, leads to a more educated and empathetic community which is vital to more open, honest communication with each other. 

With how loud and rude the world can be, simple steps to creating a more kind environment is even more important.