It’s nearing the end of the semester, and your grade is teetering dangerously close to the edge. It seems hopeless! What will you do if you can’t get your grade up by 0.01%? Suddenly, you realize that you have held in your pee the entire year and your valiant efforts have finally paid off! You can trade your sanity and 5 slips of paper printed with a toilet cartoon for an abundance of extra credit. After an entire semester of holding it in, you finally allow yourself to take a sigh of relief as you contemplate the high level of scholastic achievement that this feat has required. After all, maintaining your concentration for 90 minutes while being distracted by your biological need to relieve yourself is a worthy academic triumph in itself! You recall a moment of pride: the time your fellow students congratulated you for holding it in to the point where you actually had an accident in your seat. You remember clearly, a surge of gratification enveloping you when the janitor came by to clean up your mess and commented, “I think I know who the valedictorian should be this year!” What’s more, your teacher personally congratulated you on your ability to put the lecture above all else, and framed your picture on her wall—most dedicated student—as an example for all. As if that is not enough evidence to convince all teachers to adopt this superb system, restricting yourself to passing periods and a 30 minute lunch break requires organizational and planning skills like no other task. You must carefully examine your schedule and calculate the time it will take to speed-walk to the bathroom and wait in the long line, risking your perfect attendance. This in itself calls for recognition of your superior scholarly capabilities. Your biological needs have little to no influence on your mental prowess—but no matter, bathroom passes are undeniably necessary for a quality high school experience.