How to have a FRIENDSgiving party

Brittany Toombs, Managing Editor

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Thanksgiving is a magical holiday: you basically have a federally-recognized excuse to eat excessively for a whole weekend. Don’t let this year’s Thanksgiving go to waste by only celebrating on November 26: throw your very own FRIENDS-giving party!

The weekend before Thanksgiving, invite your squad over for a fantastical gathering of thankfulness, Friends episodes, and pie. Are you enticed yet? Here’s how:

  1. In the invitation group message (use the new turkey emoji), ask everyone to bring one ingredient for pie-baking. Example: “Allie, bring the pie crust! Betsy, bring the cinnamon and nutmeg!”
  2. When your squad rolls up at your house, greet them by stealing their wallets in order to replicate how the colonists stole the most important aspects of Native life.
  3. I’m only kind of kidding.
  4. Assemble everyone’s ingredients and bake a pie together!
  5. Watch every Friends Thanksgiving episode in order. That sitcom is classic, and those episodes are truly iconic. You’ll feel all warm and 90s inside.
  6. When the pie is ready, split that sucker up and eat it while going around and sharing which memes and new emojis you’re thankful for. Example: “I’m Betsy and I’m thankful for another year of SAT Twitter jokes and the inclusion of the middle finger emoji on the new keyboard. It’s already my most-used.”
  7. Throw in some genuine thanks. Your friends are exceedingly excellent and you should tell them how much you appreciate your #sqaudgoals.
  8. After proclaiming what you love in your life and what you are truly thankful for, return to your natural mode of capitalist consumerism and map out your Black Friday shopping trip store by store.
  9. Later, when your post-pie carb-coma surfaces and you feel giddy and full, play a hearty round of Cards Against Humanity.

When your party is over, you’ll be fully prepared for real-live Thanksgiving in a week. Happy pie-baking, Patriots!

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