It’s the Friday before Mother’s Day in Mrs. Vogul’s third-grade classroom. At the front of the room, a shabby desk holds two piles of colorful construction paper. Her instructions are simple: write your mom a sweet card, and tell her why you appreciate her.
While sixteen students work diligently with washable markers, one little girl sits in the corner, confused.
Alexa didn’t know what to write, because she lost her mom before kindergarten. Some of her classmates thanked their moms for making them lunch or taking them to and from school; she didn’t have a mom to do those things.
But she did have a dad, and he was her hero. Once she brainstormed words of appreciation, she wrote him a card.
Her dad didn’t always know how to be both parents at once. But he learned the hairstyles Alexa liked, the clothes to buy, and the bedtime stories to read. After his wife passed, necessity became his greatest teacher.
And he’s not alone in learning this. Since 2022, the United States Census Bureau has annually reported over 10 million one-parent households –30% of American families with children under the age of 18. With only one income, each of those parents quickly discovers the cost of sacrifice.
Another anonymous parent of a Liberty student, “Rebecca Wilson”, found it difficult to balance work and her social life without asking for help from her parents and babysitters.
“I changed my job multiple times so that I had a flexible schedule and could be home by 3,” Wilson, who raised her daughter alone for two years, said.
Other single parents feel pressure to fill the roles of both parents.
“As a single father, you become both mom and dad,” Gray Rand, Alexa’s father, said. “That becomes a difficult line to cross. Whereas a normal couple might be able to take on different roles for different things, you have to be everything. You have to be their disciplinarian, their friend, their coach, all of the above.”
Every morning, Rand juggled cooking breakfast, packing lunches, and commuting to work. He was grateful for help from Alexa’s grandparents and close friends, but the sheer weight of his daily responsibilities left little room for relaxation. In his spare time, he worked from home to support his family financially.
And there were other things Rand couldn’t manage alone. Family traditions–camping trips, dinners out, time with friends–faded as his schedule worsened. While he assumed both parental roles, Alexa and her brothers learned to become independent themselves.
“It’s difficult for the kids,” Rand explained. “I think you have expectations of how you’re supposed to behave, and so maybe you don’t get what you need because you’re trying to act in a way that you would not have acted if you had not lost a parent.”
Many kids in one-parent or one-income households embrace parental roles to help their parents adapt to their situation, like Junior Isabelle Kim, who lived with her dad and three siblings for four years.
During that time, she developed a close relationship with her dad and looked up to him. She tried to help by caring for her younger brother and working at their family restaurant when she was old enough. In doing so, she naturally adopted her dad’s strong work ethic and learned to provide for the people she cared about.
“My dad worked crazy hard for us because I think he tried to overcompensate and do extra work to make sure we were provided for, ” Kim said. “I know he tried his best, and I’m forever grateful for him.”
Other students like Kim gained skills from their parents while living under one income.
“It did teach me to be more independent. My dad was the one cooking, and he’d do all the housework, so that was something I got to be included in growing up since he was at home,” said Kean Mathis, a senior whose mom worked as a nurse practitioner while his dad stayed at home.“So I was doing my laundry younger than I felt other kids were,”
His mom worked long hours, so Mathis spent a lot of time with his dad. Gradually, his relationship with his mom changed.
“The time I spent with my mom was a lot different than what other kids got, especially because it’s not traditional to have your mom working while your dad stays home,” Mathis said. “I didn’t see her as much as other kids saw their moms.”
Though Mathis admired his mom, her busy schedule made it hard to connect.
Living in a one-parent or one-income household can change a child’s relationship with their peers and the parent they do not see as often.
“Trying to maintain my daughter’s relationship with her dad was hard, and so was trying to make sure that he was being the part-time dad that he needed to be,” Wilson said.
Being a single parent also impacts the adults’ relationships with their friends and children.
“When you are a couple, you are friends with other couples. When you become single, it becomes more awkward to hang out with other couples,” Rand said.
While he maintained a tight network of friends who supported him throughout his time as a single parent, particularly moms who knew Alexa’s mom, Rand’s support system narrowed over the years.
Despite this, his relationship with Alexa and her brothers strengthened. They developed sarcastic mannerisms and bonded over their shared grief. While Rand used humor to cope with his circumstances, other parents created amusing traditions or embraced spontaneity.
“My mom and I used to have tea parties and birthday parties with my stuffed animals, and I would make little desserts,” junior Berlyn Crockett said. “That was kind of our thing. It was just us, and I loved that.”
Despite working full-time, Berlyn’s mom managed to plan numerous vacations, parties, and movie nights.
“I had a lot of other things going on in my life with my dad, but she was always my rock and my best friend,” Crockett said.
However, Crockett faced inevitable struggles without a father figure and felt unspoken pressures from friends who had traditional families.
“I would get upset that I didn’t have a dad,’” Crockett said. “It was hard for me not having a stable father figure, just because your dads are supposed to do things like take you to your soccer games and be there for your talent shows.”
As Crockett compared her family with others, it informed her understanding of normalcy in a household. And like her, millions of other American children in one-income families grow up with the idea that their situation isn’t “normal.”
By the U.S. Census Bureau’s subject definition, a family is a group of two people or more related by birth, marriage, or adoption. But in society’s view, a traditional family consists of two homeowners with income: a mom and a dad.
A traditional family has financial privileges, including higher overall income, greater financial stability, more savings, and lower insurance costs.
As a homeowner, you pay a set amount a month for mortgage, insurance, and utilities. These costs cannot exceed a certain percentage of your income. Because of this, single parents and one-income families often encounter significant financial strain.
“I think if I had to change anything, it would be simply to have the government put in regulations such that things like insurance cannot get out of hand because that’s when people with fixed incomes get strapped – when they have unexpected expenses, such as when your insurance doubles or triples,” Rand said.
Like insurance, affording college can be extremely difficult for one-income families. Fortunately, numerous scholarships exist to offset financial need, and most universities offer aid for undergraduates who demonstrate it.
Children from one-income households often develop stronger money management skills than their peers. After growing up with financial limitations, applying for colleges, and requesting financial aid, they become more financially aware and responsible.
“I’d have to show my parents how much it was going to cost when I started robotics,” Mathis said. “We’d have to think about how we’re going to have to set some money aside for this kind of thing.”
Similarly, Rand included his kids in financial decisions, particularly his sons.
“I think it probably taught my children to appreciate money more than kids who didn’t have those situations,” Rand said. “There were just some things they weren’t going to be able to do.”
That holds true for most children in one-parent and one-income families. To compensate, some find jobs as quickly as possible to earn money to be comfortable. Others respond by habitually being content with what they’re given.
These children and their parents change their mentality while living under one income because they must. The billing structures in medical institutions, universities, and insurance companies favor traditional households with two incomes. And though they can apply for financial assistance, as Rand described, those families’ livelihoods remain threatened.
As a result, single parents and homeowners build resilience and sacrifice whatever they need to for their children.
“I think one of the most rewarding aspects of being a single parent is very similar to the challenges. You have to do everything by yourself, especially when the kids are young,” Rand said. “But that also leads to the rewards, which is, you have the opportunity to do all those things.”
While parents seize that opportunity, their children often take on additional responsibilities out of necessity. But necessity also brings them closer to their loved ones and teaches them life skills. Kim spent much of her time with her siblings while her dad was working late, and it drew them closer.
“My siblings, regardless of how much we fight, are always my siblings, and at the end of the day, I will lay down my life for any of them,” Kim said. “Our dynamic has changed for the better.”
