Nothing Bundt Cakes: Warm, gooey, velvety, bundt cake with the perfect, lucious, smooth, cream cheese frosting dripping down the edges. In your mind I know you’re picturing the 10 inch beautiful bundt cake they sell. But guess what?! You only get a bundtini. And it is TINI. This mini cake would take one bite to finish and the frosting on top probably only measures to a teaspoon. Also, you’re only saving $2.50 so it’s not even a steal. 2/10

Sephora: Picture this: you waltz into Sephora ready to claim your  birthday freebie. With a smile, the worker tells you you have to buy something over $25 to qualify for the gift. So, now you go and find a product worth $25 exactly and begrudgingly return to the register. Not only did you have to deal with the Sephora 10 year olds hanging out in the store, but once they hand you the gift bag, you realize, the product is sample sized, it isn’t sold in stores anymore, and it’s definitely worth less than $25 itself. What a waste of $25. -10/10

Auntie Anne’s: Be honest, when was the last time you went to an Auntie Anne’s? The closest one is probably in Southcenter and that’s at least 20 minutes from here. If you do decide to head down, you’ll get a free pretzel for your birthday! But wait, it’s not that easy. You have to have spent $10+ in the last year. Excuse me?? Now my pretzel basically costs $10 considering I don’t have the time to go to Auntie Anne’s in the first place! 1/10

Krispy Kreme: ONE DOZEN FREE GLAZED DOUGHNUTS!!! This is the best birthday freebie to date! One dozen doughnuts! You could bring the dozen to a party, or just eat them all by yourself on the couch! There is really nothing better than their warm, freshly baked, pillowy doughnuts. 1000/10

Dairy Queen: Free blizzard!! Personally, I’m going with a heath and cookie dough combo but you really can’t go wrong flavor wise (unless you’re choosing the cotton candy one, be so for real, that’s gross). These blizzards are the perfect treat unless you were born in December. 8/10