Challenging banned books: What should kids *really* be reading.

Sabrina Holmes, Staff Writer

Book 1: The Magic Tree House, by Mary Pope Osborne. 

First of all the title is blatantly misleading, the use of magic will lead children to thinking that magic is real. Furthermore, the use of magic and then trees could have children thinking that trees are magic. The Intergalactic society of arboriculture has maintained that magic trees do not exist and they never will. Okay? So stop asking. Yes these books talk about alleged historical events, however how can one even believe that those events are true if they are  stemming from a literal magic tree? 

Book 2: If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, by Laura Numeroff 

What really happens when you give a mouse a cookie? One word, theobromine. According to my sources at the Intergalactic Society of Rodents, chocolate is indeed extremely poisonous to mice and on the cover of this book, readers will see a chocolate chip cookie. The title of this book should instead be “If you give a mouse a cookie, it will die.” 

Book 3: The Cat In The Hat, by Dr. Suess 

Lying in a hospital bed, with a missing eye and 14 stitches across their left leg, someone is seriously regretting their decision to put their cat in a hat. Le Société internationale des chapeaux says in response to various requests for making cat-sized hats to please, stop asking. This book could lead children to think that cats actually do wear hats, and Le Société simply just doesn’t have the resources (or the lawyers) to make them anymore. And don’t even get me started on green eggs and ham. 

Book 4: The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle 

Some caterpillars can actually develop poisons that can kill humans. Was the caterpillar in Mr. Carle’s book a giant silkworm moth caterpillar, or more commonly known as the assassin caterpillar that is responsible for many human deaths in South Africa and Brazil? I guess we will never know. The Interpersonal Caterpillars club released a statement in early April stating that, even if a caterpillar is very hungry that does not mean that we should be feeding them. In the comments below their statement, someone suggested that maybe we could start giving them cookies. They have since joined organizations with the Intergalactic Society of Rodents.  Children of today should not be reading a book where the main protagonist could have killed their cousin. The Entomologist society of Canada has refused to comment. 

In conclusion, just save yourself the trouble and turn on the TV instead. 


  1. Leaf me alone 
  2. Are you still looking? 
  3. There’s no sources 
  4. Did you really just read the entire source box?