New CDC guidelines for fully vaccinated people

Amira Turner, Backpage Editor

The Center for Disease Control has come out with a ton of new guidelines for fully vaccinated people, the most notable being that fully vaccinated people no longer need masks. Here at the Patriot Press, we’ve got a list of our favorite activities the CDC has cleared for the summer and the upcoming school year. 

  1. Give CPR to squirrels in the park

The hardest part of the past year has been holding back from saving all of the squirrels in the park, but once you’ve gotten the vaccine, the CDC says you are completely allowed to deliver the breath of life to any squirrel of your choosing! 

  1. Beat Mr. Tremblay in pickleball 

One lesser-known side-effect of the vaccine is super strength. Any Liberty student knows that beating Mr. Tremblay in pickleball is a feat that requires Hulk-like strength, but the CDC has confirmed that all three vaccines contain the same Super Soldier Serum given to Captain America. 

  1. Drink soup out of Mr. Darnell’s hands 

If there’s one pre-pandemic event we can’t wait to get back to, it’s Mr. Darnell’s Soupy Thursdays. We all miss lining up outside of his classroom waiting for a sip of the soup of the week out of the hands of everyone’s favorite APUSH teacher. 

  1. Give Amira Turner a hug

Please. She really needs it. So badly. Amira has had a rough few months, and now she’s fully vaccinated. Please. 

  1. Successfully put on a TOLO dance

Remember TOLO? Of course you don’t, because TOLO has been canceled more times than Jeffree Star! The CDC and ASB have been in intense negotiations, and they have come to the consensus that Liberty will finally be able to host TOLO once the entire student body is fully vaccinated.