Social media battles: a war for the ages

Charlotte Ury, Staff Writer

At the beginning of 2021, we saw an unprecedented battle between hedge funds sitting on billions of dollars and average people using rocket emojis on a Reddit server. As more and more people come to understand the power of unionizing and social media, it’s unlikely Reddit will be the only app to take on outside forces.

 As the war rages on, I can’t help but wonder what apps could be next. Here are my predictions for social media, their battles, and who will win.

Twitter vs. Famous Animals 

Twitter has been ahead of the game when it comes to taking on political events, people, and pop culture. So why not expand its borders and not just attack people, but cancel animals? Kermit the Frog, Garfield, and Bambi should be careful of what they do online.
Who will win? Twitter. Twitter has a ruthless history, and not even Kermit’s wholesome charm can save him from the wrath of Twitter’s merciless troops.

Instagram vs. Other apps

After stealing the concept of the story and filters from Snapchat, Reels from TikTok, and including an altogether unnecessary Instagram “store,” we can’t help but wonder what the app might steal next. Maybe you’ll see downvotes on the next post on Instagram or be able to repost pictures to your spam.
Who will win? Facebook. While Instagram has been stealing functions from apps, Facebook has been sneakily buying all of the apps competing against Instagram— including Instagram itself (for legal reasons, this is a joke).

Facebook vs. Journalism

Despite Facebook users’ efforts to convince family members, friends, and even random people on the internet otherwise, Facebook is still not seen as a reputable source. After looking for something to blame for their disreputable studies on, they found the number one cause of their struggles: journalism. “They go against all of my research,” Fla Tarther, a member of three anti-vaxxer groups, said angrily. “I think I know more about Covid than an unbiased, fact-checked article with numerous sources.”

Who will win? Unknown. The sheer amount of fake news being spread makes it a fair fight, as the line between reality and fiction blurs. On the bright side, have you seen that picture of the Ant Farm Facebook group chat?

Snapchat vs. Teenage Boys

In a shocking twist of fate, the number one enemy of Snapchat was not an external conflict, but rather their number one demographic: teenage boys. “The images I’ve seen . . .” an anonymous student said, “I know too much.”

Who will win? Teenage Boys. Due to the very nature of Snapchat’s “disappearing messages,” teenage boys will most likely not be fleeing the app anytime soon.