Cancel culture: required reading edition

Serena Sherwood, Photo/Social Media

In 2020, it seems like a new person is getting cancelled on Twitter every day. Let’s go beyond the YouTube stars and Kardashians and look at another group of people who could (and maybe should) get cancelled on Twitter: book characters. Yep, you read that right! The main characters of the books you were forced to read for English class should get cancelled on Twitter. Here’s why.

Romeo and Juliet

Our favorite dying-at-a-young-age-for-stupid-reasons duo would get cancelled for doing another thing that young people on the internet do for stupid reasons: using clickbait YouTube titles. Mr. Beast would have nothing on the duo’s “MY GIRLFRIEND DIED?? *EMOTIONAL*”

Gatsby

Gatsby would be cancelled for throwing parties during a pandemic, a la Sway House getting their power shut off by the mayor of Los Angeles. C’mon Jay, you could at least ask your attendees to wear masks instead of standing and staring at the green light all night. 

Winston Smith

If Big Brother even allowed Twitter, Winston would get cancelled for spreading fake news. Whether it’s false facts about the pandemic (and its household chemical “cures”) or simple arithmetic (Winston, 2+2 does NOT equal 5), his tweets would get the fact-checking warning straight from Twitter HQ. 

Guy Montag

Guy Montag would get cancelled for something Guy Montag does bestdestruction of property. Imagine a slightly more arson-y version of the people who licked the ice cream tubs and put them back. Something along the lines of getting cancelled for setting off fireworks during a burn ban, but more dangerous. 

Macbeth

Macbeth would get cancelled by Lady Macbeth for not doing what she said right away and making himself look like a poor leader. However, after Macbeth dug up receipts of him and Lady Macbeth’s Instagram DM’s, the internet community would learn the truth, and he would get un-cancelled as fast as he changed his mind on murdering people. 

Boo Radley

In a shocking turn of events, Maycomb’s resident recluse is the one character who wouldn’t get cancelled on Twitter. He’s doing what we all should be doing: staying home and staying safe.