By order of the district, Liberty will take new steps to crack down on cheating in AP exams.

“We got to brainstorming how students cheat and what we could do to prevent it,” Beth Mac said. “Round about the cauldron we went, and by the pricking of my thumbs, we came up with what I believe are going to be some seriously effective and popular new policies.”

Administrators will first focus on the types of cheating they saw at this year’s testing.

“There was one student whose behavior was particularly outrageous,” Gustaf Dumbas said. “First he tried to ‘get an eraser’ from his backpack before Biology exam booklets were passed out. Then he attempted to come up to the water bottles during the Calculus exam and hold one of them in his mouth. He said he was ‘just getting a drink,’ but we knew better and immediately reported him to the Office of Testing Integrity.”

In response, Liberty will now hire experts trained in several languages (including but not limited to: Egyptian Hieroglyphs, Ancient Greek, Morse Code, and Wingdings) in order to check for inscriptions testers might engrave on the side of their water bottles.

Nonetheless, administrators are determined to stamp out all forms of cheating. New rules reflecting a commitment to that goal will be gradually implemented.

“The five year plan will start with getting rid of bathroom breaks, then outside pencils will be prohibited, then only College Board sanctioned clothing will be allowed, and then we will take blood samples to prove the identity of test-takers.” Joseph Collin said. “At the end of the five years, we’re going to get rid of our AP program entirely. Students can’t cheat on tests they don’t take.”

Student response has been overwhelmingly positive.

“I look forward to AP testing season every year and these new rules are only going to make me look forward to it more. That feeling of entering a closely guarded room, giving up your belongings, and being identified by a number—it reminds me of someplace: home, maybe?” AP Number 65778394 said.

Even with the new rules, however, administrators want to commend Liberty students for the College Board policies they have followed.

“We’re glad that students always wait 48 hours before discussing the Free-Response Questions and that they never talk about the test during breaks,” Igor Ante said. “We’re also proud of students for never glancing 45 degrees to their left to copy off the test-taker sitting next to them.”