They’ve told you that werewolves aren’t real for years, but you’re not so sure. For most of the year, you’re fine. But, when October rolls around, your sixth sense kicks in: you can feel the candy. It’s your full moon.
You can’t explain it; it’s as if a new half of your brain is unlocked. You need candy, and you’ll go to any lengths to maximize your Halloween haul. Costumes, face paint, painfully contrived accents—there are no rules in love, war, and age-inappropriate candy accumulation. What’s more, that patchwork mustache clinging to your upper lip almost looks like fur. It’s as if your painfully mid-pubescent body is preparing you to trick-or-treat. Either way, you’re ready for Halloween.
It has become a little harder to mask your fall transformation as you’ve gotten older, however. Your friends no longer share your same fervor for sugar, and parents have started to note that a six-foot-tall werewolf is a bit taller than the typical ten-year-old. You slouch in the mirror every night to see if you can make yourself smaller, but to no avail.
You’re getting older and eventually the neighborhood watch is going to do more than just threaten to report you to the city police department. Maybe you should do as Emily, your therapist, suggests, and just sit this Halloween out at home. So whether, on this Halloween, you’re a werewolf or a lounging teen with an obsessive penchant for candy, you’ll always be a Patriot. Never-Too-Old-For-Trick-Or-Treating Kid, you’re one of us.