Tips for Guys

• On the first date, take her to “Fifty Shades of Grey”
• Draw her in with your natural scent by not showering for a week.
• Introduce her to your imaginary friend, Karl.
• Swipe right on every girl that comes up on Tinder.
• Buy her Red Bull so she has the energy to put up with your shenanigans.
• Respond only to “Bae”.
• Compare her to the best features of your ex. She won’t mind.
• If you get nervous, bail.
• Make her pay the bill to assert dominance.

Tips for Girls

• Buy him a box of Carnation’s Breakfast Essentials.
• Remember: no matter how long ago it was, every guy is still in love with his ex.
• Respond only to “Bae.”
• Get a tattoo of his face on your back.
• Monitor all of his social media accounts.
• If he does something you don’t like, tell his mom.
• Appropriate nicknames for him include “Bunny Muffin,” “Sugar Dumpling” or “My Squishy Gummy Bear.”
• If he doesn’t get you a pumpkin spice latte on the first date, he isn’t worth your time.
• Proclaim every song as your song.
• Never let him out of your sight. Ever.
• If he has never been to jail, he is not enough of a “bad boy.”
• Compose daily epics about your love and share them Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram. Tag him in every one.
• If he says he is texting his mom, it is probably another woman.