Happy days are here again: a Backpage tour of our “completed” school

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Connor Cherry, Backpage Editor

Finally, after all these years of blood, sweat and a few tears, our fair school is finally complete. We can breathe a sigh of relief, fellow Patriots: the tyranny of the Construction era is done and the dark days of Portable City are behind us. Thanks to the hardest working construction team in Washington state, we have a fully functional school that we can take pride in. We at the Backpage want to highlight the new features of our school that set apart Liberty from Issaquah and Skyline.

Thanks to the diligent work of construction, we have natural concrete floors with authentic paint stains. One feature that construction put a huge amount of effort into was making Liberty a green school. With global warming on the rise, construction must be commended for cutting costs to ensure our carbon footprint is at an all-time low. Please take note of the exposed wiring and PVC piping. Now don’t be fooled by the apparent lack of completion; it is merely to cut down on our carbon emissions and ecological footprint. Construction modernized our building by making it a breathable structure. This can be most appreciated when it rains and water seeps through unsealed cracks in the doors, to create a nice indoor water feature that students can enjoy during passing periods. Also, where you’d assume a courtyard would be built, construction created a dirt sanctuary. This sanctuary will double as the official Liberty swimming pool and the site of our newest class: Mud Wrestling 101.

Construction also had student safety at the top of their minds when building our school. To that end they installed a military grade Cold War nuclear Armageddon warning system. This system alerts students to duck and cover when there is a fire or an atomic attack. When asked about possible hearing loss due to the extreme volume of the system, construction replied hearing loss only occurs after 15 false alarms. The current Backpage False Alarm Tally puts us at ten.

There is an exit strategy in place with regards to when the workers will leave Liberty, but construction has said that they will not provide the details until we give them an undisclosed amount of money in a briefcase to them to ensure the proper execution of said exit strategy. Fear not, we at the Backpage still have total confidence in their ability to perform their duties on time and in budget. So grin and bear it Patriots, just smile and enjoy your new home in the highest quality school west of the Mississippi.