Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

UPDATES

School Delayed in response to COVID-19 until April 24

 

Spring Sports seasons delayed

 

AP Tests have moved online

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    Liberty’s Newest Conspiracy Cove

    Formerly known as BFE, the barren and possibly irradiated wasteland of the back parking lot has long been regarded with quiet fear by underclassmen and upperclassmen alike. It is said that strange and unnatural occurrences happen in those parts on a regular basis, especially during the wee hours before school and after football games. In fact, since the opening of the school in 1977, there have been over a dozen recorded cases of students disappearing without a trace while travelling through that inhospitable region.

    The latest development in the back parking lot mystery however, came just recently when a large pool of water materialized without warning to impede poor students (mostly juniors) just trying to receive their free and public education. Although the full repercussions of this natural (or unnatural) anomaly are yet to fully be seen, plenty of hypotheses have sprung up regarding the origins of this new “Lake Liberty”.

    Nuclear wastewater from Buchli’s underground reactor-

    It has long been an accepted fact that science teacher Mark Buchli takes a special interest in certain, more arcane branches of science. As one sophomore science student explained, “I believe all of this new water is actually radioactive wastewater from Buchli’s secret nuclear reactor under the school; I mean, how else will he create enough power to run his wormhole generator and finally open a portal back to the alternate universe where  he came from?!”

    Excess sewage from Issaquah’s septic system-

    It is common knowledge that Liberty is considered the black-sheep school of the district, so it makes perfect sense that Liberty would be the ideal dumping ground for overflow sewage from Issaquah High School’s state-of-the-art gold-plated septic system. Oblivious freshman may think that Lake Liberty is just a large, innocent pool of water, but in reality that “water” is in fact a noxious mixture of urinated Starbucks coffee and Crystal Light (the only liquids legal for consumption within Issaquah city limits).

    Ms. Daughters’s renegade attempt at creating a swimming pool-

    For years, Liberty’s own buccaneer Ms. Daughters has plead and bargained with administration to provide her with a pool for her swim teams to no avail. If backpage-exclusive sources are correct, Ms. Daughters finally took matters into her own hands by commandeering a construction backhoe and digging out a makeshift pool herself. Should legal action against the radical English teacher arise, parents of all swimmers have pledged to side with Liberty’s most prolific tsarina.