The Patriot Press

The Corny Corner (Oct 2014)

October 30, 2014

Filed under The Artichoke, The Crazy Corner

“On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?” “What did the American say to the Englishmen in the bathroom?” -“Hey! Eur-o-pean!” “Are you an exothermic reaction? ‘Cause you’re looking hot.” “What’s...

“I’m an adult!” kid

Jordan Carlson, Backpage Editor

September 3, 2014

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

With your senior year comes the legendary eighteenth birthday, a day in which over-celebrating becomes the norm. The day arrives that you’ve long awaited, and you can now say, with unquenchable pride-"I’m an adult!" Your new lifestyl...

Bathroom Vandal Kid

Connor Cherry, Backpage Editor

September 3, 2014

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

Another day, another boring math lesson. Sitting in class pondering the lessons learned from Wolf of Wall Street, you heed nature’s call and you head off to the oasis that is the portable bathrooms in the concrete jungles of p...

An Unexpected Start to Summer Vacation

Connor Cherry, Backpage Editor

September 3, 2014

Filed under The Artichoke

The glory days of summer are finally here again. Gone are the long hours of sitting in class listening to lectures on the finer points of American history and the unit circle. Now that you’re home, the time has come to find so...

Social Media Justice Kid

Galen Posch, Online Editor

May 6, 2014

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

As you sift through your Facebook feed, you ignore the random inspirational quotes, pass over the selfies, and snub your fellow ailing student asking for advice on the Honors English group page. Only one thing can rouse you from...

Easy College Elitist Kid

Galen Posch, Online Editor

May 6, 2014

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

You’ve waited for five excruciating months, and finally, your moment of grace has arrived. The letter you hold in your hand will decide your fate, and by extension, the fate of the universe. Here, you will find out whether th...

How To Get Into College

Neil Chakravarty, Backpage Editor

May 6, 2014

Filed under The Artichoke

Prompt: Please tell our college admissions committee about some of your favorite activities to do in your spare time. In most regards, you could call me a pretty average kid. When I’m not taking a break from my 16 AP classes-wort...

Offensive Driver Kid

February 26, 2014

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

He blows by you on Cemetery Road going 90-plus only when Deputy Montalvo is conveniently out of sight. When you pull into your parking space in the morning, you find him parked not inches, but entire feet over the freshly-stri...

Overly Hipster Kid

February 26, 2014

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

You see them walking down the hallways with their Goodwill ugly sweaters and too-tight skinny jeans. They have on their headphones listening to an underground Scottish indie band that you have never heard of. When questioned ab...

Back in the day….

February 26, 2014

Filed under The Artichoke

They call me Old Fart. I’m a senior now: I’ve been around these parts for longer than most people can remember, almost half a decade I reckon. Back when I first travelled up here when the world was still black and white, t...

Over-the-top-DECA-Kid

December 10, 2013

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

Your second year of DECA now begins. G has now chosen you, yes you, to work in the infamous DECA Store. Your long awaited dream is finally smacking you upside your head. Your   expression has now exploded into gigantic face ...

This-is-it-Senior-Kid

December 10, 2013

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

This is it; your senior year has finally arrived. You go through the halls knowing that this year will be your last. You suffer heavily from S.M.H.A.D.: Senior Memory Hyper-Awareness Disorder. Well-known symptoms of this condition a...

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