The Patriot Press

How to (Attempt) to Survive the New SAT

Paige Hopkins, Backpage Editor

October 28, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

Coming this March, the SAT we know and love is undergoing massive changes. While these changes will undoubtedly frighten the rest of the nation, LHS Patriots need not worry because Backpage has a step-by-step guide to walk you...

College students tell all: Sage advice for college apps

Jacqueline Rayfield, Editor-in-Chief

October 28, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

All those meticulously edited essays, carefully worded extra-curriculars, totally impartial recommendation letters –all a waste of time. Luckily for you, some of Liberty’s former students are here to tell you how to actually...

Backpage reveals construction conspiracies

April 30, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

While the construction era may be over, we are still feeling its effects. Many thought that with the death of the old building, the conspiracies about the truth of Liberty’s shady and mysterious past would die with it. However,...

Trust me on this kid

April 30, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

Second period Algebra 2: you walk in, Redbull in one hand, cell phone in the other. Your backpack is overflowing with blank homework papers accompanied by a Costco bag of Cheez-Its. After you copy down all the homework answers,...

March Madness kid

April 30, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

You sir, are a man on the front lines. You’re at the cutting edge of everything new, trendy—“hip.” Those socks you’re wearing? Stridelines. All the cool kids are repping their hometown. Your shoes? Nike. Your shorts?...

Budget breakdown

April 30, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

With the construction budget, we could have bought: 2,483,660 orders of Ezell’s Student Special. Eight Bugatti Veyron super cars. A football team that can beat Bellevue. The deed to Safeway. 50 Million packets of Carnation...

Corny corner

April 30, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke, The Crazy Corner

One a scale of one to March Madness, how unpredictable are your emotions? What is the homework for this class? Hey girl, are you Tim Lincecum? Because you were hot in 2008. Where are the Seahawks from? Are you a .5...

The ten commandments of thy perfect selfie

April 30, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

I. Thou shall have no other photos before Me II. Thou shall not use rear camera III. Thou shall not cause a selfie to be lame IV. Remember the lighting and keep it holy V. Honor thou Instagram followers VI. Thou...

Classic movies: what society doesn’t want you to know

Jordan Carlson and Connor Cherry

April 30, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

“Lion King” Lion King may very well be the most underappreciated cinematic piece of our generation. While certainly sporting award-winning music, flawless animation and superior voice casting, it’s the message behind t...

Semester soulmate kid

Jordan Carlson and Connor Cherry

April 30, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

After finding the new love of your life and getting her number, courtesy of a furtive glance at your friend’s phone, it’s time to turn the suave factor up to 11. Nothing will stop you from winning her heart. You guys hit it...

Secretly lonely Valentine’s Day kid

Jordan Carlson and Connor Cherry

April 30, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

As Valentine’s Day decorations began to pop up—the cheap heart-shaped balloons, the demonic stuffed bears, the sickly sweet chocolates—you scoff. Valentine’s Day? Puh-leease. It’s a holiday made to torture the world...

The Interview: a backpage review

Connor Cherry, Backpage Editor

April 30, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

Dear Kim Jong Un, We at the Backpage have a bone to pick with you over the recent hacking of the Sony servers by your government. While we don’t usually mind your threats of nuclear annihilation, your nation’s recent actions...

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