The Patriot Press

First look at new alien research

Paige Hopkins, Backpage Editor

April 22, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

Fellow Patriots! For those who may not know, the Issaquah School Board is currently considering approving a $500 million bond for the Issaquah School District. They claim money is “needed” to build a “4th high school”...

Who am I? Kid

March 1, 2016

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

For years, you’ve gone through life with ease. Then one day in high school, your simple world is shattered—you find yourself questioning life, your future, destiny, the real purpose of Snuggies, You find yourself filled with…...

Overly-obsessed celeb crush kid

March 1, 2016

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

In the crowd, surrounded by screaming girls, you frantically cheer for Justin Bieber who is up on stage singing. Suddenly, he points at you. In front of everyone, he invites you up on stage and all of a sudden you are “One Less...

Tips for a successful relationship

Paige Hopkins, Backpage Editor

March 1, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

It’s that time of year again, Patriots: Valentine’s Day. When those in relationships walk around holding hands and proclaiming their love, and the rest of us… end up watching romantic comedies with our parents. To help...

Gritty Groceries- Safeway delivers the knockout blow

James Ricks, Backpage Editor

March 1, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

The latter half of 2015 saw one of the greatest fights of our time, as Safeway faced off against Haggen’s groceries in a long and brutal struggle that critics are saying rivaled even the bitterness of the McDonald’s v. Burger...

Too Kool 4 Skool Kid

December 7, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

It’s not as if you woke up and decided to be the coolest guy around. It kinda just…happened. After all, planning ahead is for your parents. Lame. You get in your car—it’s yours, not your parents’—crank up the Kendrick...

Way too early for Christmas kid

December 7, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

You sit in your kitchen, anxiously checking the clock every half second. Once the hand flips to 12:00, signifying the official end of October, you rise in a frenzy. It’s Christmas season, baby. You rush through your house,...

Rumors abound of yet another fall holiday

James Ricks, Backpage Editor

December 7, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

As if stressing about Halloween, Black Friday and Christmas wasn’t enough, it’s come to our attention at Backpage headquarters that there is yet another holiday to worry about as the year comes to a close: the locals call...

Ca-ching, ca-chow, ca-choo: Bill Nye is that you?

Lorrin Johnson, Editor-in-Chief

December 7, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

Long have we wondered what may lie past the lab tables in Liberty’s science classrooms…But few have dared to venture beyond the safety net of the familiar “No Monkey Business” posters and overwhelmingly large periodic...

Top 12 ideas for Thanksgiving leftovers

Paige Hopkins, Backpage Editor

December 7, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

As a test of intelligence, hide various food in the Y-Lab. See how long it takes the yearbook kids to notice. In lieu of the traditional highlighter, use cranberry sauce for your notes. As an added bonus, your homework wi...

Never too old for trick-or-treating kid

October 28, 2015

Filed under The Artichoke

They’ve told you that werewolves aren’t real for years, but you’re not so sure. For most of the year, you’re fine. But, when October rolls around, your sixth sense kicks in: you can feel the candy. It’s your full moon. You...

The only senior in a freshman class kid

October 28, 2015

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

You push open the door on the first day and walk in. All activity grinds to a halt. Everyone stares at you in a stunned silence. Walking to your seat, you try to avoid eye-contact. Unfortunately this is your life for the next...

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