The Patriot Press

Backpage guide: LHS Course Descriptions

Adam Flash, Backpage Editor

March 23, 2017

Filed under The Artichoke

The new school year is already almost two months in and here at the Backpage we believe it’s never too early to start thinking about classes for the 2017-2018 school year. While you could take more popular classes like Culinary...

The Presidential Race: 2020

Jacob Hepp, Backpage Editor

March 23, 2017

Filed under The Artichoke

The year 2020 is just around the corner, and the new presidential candidates are getting ready to fight for your vote. There’s something special about these candidates—they’re all Liberty teachers! Here at the Backpage,...

Gains Kid

Adam Flash, Backpage Editor

June 7, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

It’s 4:30 AM, and you’re at the gym. By 5:00, you’re already halfway through your set. Squats, pull-ups, push-ups, bench. No pain, no gain. Time to get swoll. At breakfast, you prepare a protein shake. Using grit, you carefully...

#Relatable Kid

Jacob Hepp, Backpage Editor

June 7, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

You wake up to your alarm clock blaring the sultry sounds of a soothing saxophone. You slap the alarm clock, while thinking, “Literally me,” with a deep sense personal connection. Slumping out of your bed, you walk to your...

The Great Flood: a tragedy to be remembered

Jacob Hepp, Backpage Editor

June 7, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

The date was April 22, 2016. The hallway in the lower bowels of Liberty was silent. Not a sound was to be heard, not a movement to be seen. Suddenly, this serene landscape was tarnished by the sound of running water. The sound...

5th Edition Corny Corner

May 12, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

Do you have eleven protons? Because you are sodium fine. I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist. Since light travels faster than sound, most people appear bright until they speak. I stayed up all night to see where...

Backpage Cookbook

May 12, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

You’re too lazy throughout the year to actually bother learning to cook anything. And now, as AP week rolls around and you’ve locked yourself in your room with nothing but textbooks and self-loathing, what are you to do? You’ve...

4th Edition 2016 Corny Corner

April 22, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke, The Crazy Corner

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin? I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. Q: What does a nosy...

Top Tips for surviving AP tests

Jacob Hepp, Staff Writer

April 22, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

1) Visit a wise monk (preferably located on a mountain) for advice. 2) During the test, FaceTime your friend who is on the other side of the room—teamwork makes the dream work. 3) Cry. 4) So you don’t have to worry about...

Backpage GOP Obituaries

James Ricks, Backpage Editor

April 22, 2016

Filed under The Artichoke

Marco Antonio Rubio Marco Rubio, 44, died March15, 2016 of starvation. “We went on vacation and just forgot to fill his bowl before we left,” said current House speaker Paul Ryan. “We were usually pretty good at taking...

Backpage Profile: Early-onset senioritis kid

April 22, 2016

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

The warning signs started off small. Innocent. You spent hours watching Netflix. You didn’t to start homework until 9 pm. You spent hours googling pictures of baby animals. But by the time second semester hits, things have...

Backpage Profile: Thesaurus Kid

April 22, 2016

Filed under Backpage Profile, The Artichoke

You sit down to write your English essay on the theme of To Kill a Mockingbird. The paper is due tomorrow, and you’ve only just started it now; you better make sure this seems like you tried hard on this one. It starts out...

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