The Patriot Press

Get to know your Liberty cults


Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Here at Liberty, we are one. We encourage students to join clubs, participate in activities, and make friends. However, some groups take this more seriously than others, earning spots on the Liberty Cult Watch List. Let’s get to know the Liberty cults!

Cross Country
The Cross Country cult preaches communication. All emotions, current locations, and memes must be reported on in the multiple group chats daily—for example, why you aren’t at practice, how you feel after a workout, or exactly what you are thinking at approximately 2:37 AM. Current members constantly obsess over bringing in new people to ensure their following is sufficient enough for the rare occurrence of seniors escaping.
Although not specifically stated as a requirement in the Cross Country Cult Constitution (CCCC), many members choose to exclusively socialize with other members. “It’s easier that way” Lukosh Niblosh said. “Others can’t understand our complex running language or the references to previous memes in the group chat.”
Cross Country is not a sport—it’s a lifestyle. Whether that is attending daily practices or contributing to Instagram meme chats, all members are expected to devote their lives to the practices and traditions of one of Liberty’s most infamous cults: Cross Country.

Key Club
Key Club meetings begin with cult leader Talan Aan ringing a bell and leading the group in the pledge (or “cheer” as they will call it) to show their eternal loyalty to the cult. From there, they update each other on new intel they have discovered about the community—in the form of a recap of last week’s service projects. The Key Club cult is particularly good at gathering this intel. With members’ constant involvement in the community, no one is safe. A friendly smile and a “we’re happy to help!” could turn into finding yourself being bugged, tracked, or—even worse—forced to join the following. Whether they are planning devious plans for world domination—or simply want to give back to the community—be on the lookout for the Key Club cult.

DECA
The DECA cult takes an unorthodox approach to their practices. While most cults prefer to be secretive, DECA students love to be open and proud of their affiliation. “Hi! Did you know I’m in DECA?!” many members ask before even saying their names.
DECA takes pride in teaching valuable life skills to cult youth. Members run a business, take money from innocent high school students, and manage finances: all extremely applicable skills.
DECA leaders also influence all aspects of members’ lives—one example being their beloved diamond hand symbol. “I think I’ve been brainwashed because every time a camera points at me I hold the symbol up,” Chicken Alegrete admitted.
Members may seem nice when they approach asking if you’d like to buy a cookie, but always beware: they’ll stop at nothing to take over Liberty.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Comment

Comments are closed.

Forum for student expression since 1977
Get to know your Liberty cults