Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

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School Delayed in response to COVID-19 until April 24

 

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Keeper-of-elevator-keys-kid

Pain is only temporary, but greatness lasts forever,” you told yourself as your leg contorted back at a grotesque angle and your kneecap exploded into a million pieces. Although the ordeal to get there was unpleasant to say the least, it was all worth it the moment your sweaty little hands closed around the jagged bit of steel that gave you (and a select few others) access to Liberty’s innermost sanctum—the elevator. You stand before the great steel door with only the closest of your freshman buddies; you insert and turn the key—the little square button pops to life! With trembling hands you press the button, and feel your heart miss a few beats when you hear the great heave of the teleportation unit rise to meet you. The great door slides aside noiselessly and you, your friends, and a few more uninvited randos pile in Liberty’s cramped little Chamber of Secrets. Just as you are about to input the precise coordinates into the control panel that you meticulously calculated over the entire past week, ol’ Derp Sherman has to go and press ALL the buttons. All you can think about is laying a punch on Derp Sherman’s face as the “elevator” chamber falls away from reality and into the infinite bowels of the space-time continuum. Keeper of the Elevator Keys Kid—you’re one of us.