Forum for student expression since 1977

The Patriot Press

BP Profile: Always pranking kid

May 11, 2017
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

First thing you do when you wake up every morning is grab your air horn and run to your sister’s room. She’s about to be pranked. BWAAAAPPPP. Satisfied that she has been properly woken up, you grab your whoopee cushion and head downstairs. You treat your family to a lovely breakfast of pancakes...

BP Profile: Always getting pranked kid

May 11, 2017
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

It’s approximately four minutes and fifty-three seconds until the most dreadful day of the year: April Fool’s Day. You haven’t slept for the past week because you fear awakening to a world that only consists of atomic wedgies and plastic snakes. You think to yourself, in your “lucky” meditation...

BP Profile: Grades obsessed kid

May 11, 2017
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

First thing in the morning, you unlock your phone and your favorite app, Skyward Mobile Access, is already open. You gasp in shock when you see your AP Bio grade; it’s dropped from a 99 to a 98. That’s it. Your day is ruined. You will never be successful in life, never get into Harvard, never get...

BP Profile: First World Problems Kid

May 11, 2017
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You wake up from a horrible night’s sleep; your laptop’s screen was lit up all night and you were too lazy to get out of bed and close it. To make matters worse, you forgot to plug in your phone last night. You’re only at 97%! You think to yourself, “How am I going to survive the day without...

BP Profile: Too hyped for Christmas Kid

March 27, 2017
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

They smell you before they see you walking in the hallway. Wearing your grandma’s ugly sweater that survived in the closet three generations too long and exerting the light scent of peppermint, you pass them by. When they turn their heads around ready to shush the annoying noise behind them during...

BP Profile: Never Actually Awake Kid

March 27, 2017
Filed under Backpage, Backpage Profile

New Years is a time to make resolutions for the upcoming year, but many people don’t end up following through. Here at the Backpage we have predicted how Liberty student’s resolutions will go: I want to save my money: On January 1, looking at the grand total of $26.31 in your wallet, you vow...

Backpage Profile: Early-onset senioritis kid

April 22, 2016
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The warning signs started off small. Innocent. You spent hours watching Netflix. You didn’t to start homework until 9 pm. You spent hours googling pictures of baby animals. But by the time second semester hits, things have taken a turn for the worse. It’s harder and harder to drag yourself out of...

Backpage Profile: Thesaurus Kid

April 22, 2016
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You sit down to write your English essay on the theme of To Kill a Mockingbird. The paper is due tomorrow, and you’ve only just started it now; you better make sure this seems like you tried hard on this one. It starts out alright with a nice introduction but as you get to your body paragraphs, you...

Who am I? Kid

March 1, 2016
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For years, you’ve gone through life with ease. Then one day in high school, your simple world is shattered—you find yourself questioning life, your future, destiny, the real purpose of Snuggies, You find yourself filled with… with so many…questions. What is the meaning of life? Do you matter?...

Overly-obsessed celeb crush kid

March 1, 2016
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In the crowd, surrounded by screaming girls, you frantically cheer for Justin Bieber who is up on stage singing. Suddenly, he points at you. In front of everyone, he invites you up on stage and all of a sudden you are “One Less Lonely Girl”. Up close to Justin, you can see his chocolate brown eyes,...

Too Kool 4 Skool Kid

December 7, 2015
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It’s not as if you woke up and decided to be the coolest guy around. It kinda just…happened. After all, planning ahead is for your parents. Lame. You get in your car—it’s yours, not your parents’—crank up the Kendrick and roll into school. You notice with a hint of disgust how absolutely...

Way too early for Christmas kid

December 7, 2015
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You sit in your kitchen, anxiously checking the clock every half second. Once the hand flips to 12:00, signifying the official end of October, you rise in a frenzy. It’s Christmas season, baby. You rush through your house, replacing everything with Christmas-themed objects. The plain place-mats become...

Forum for student expression since 1977
Backpage Profile