Too Kool 4 Skool Kid

It’s not as if you woke up and decided to be the coolest guy around. It kinda just…happened. After all, planning ahead is for your parents. Lame.
You get in your car—it’s yours, not your parents’—crank up the Kendrick and roll into school. You notice with a hint of disgust how absolutely boring everyone is here at school. It’s nothing like the music videos that you live your life by: everyone is still wearing backpacks, and it’s still dark outside. Why would anyone leave the house unless it was sunny and 72? Lame.
And, believe it or not, it gets even worse when you get to class. Your teachers somehow expect you to add homework to your agenda. They obviously don’t know how obsessively difficult it is to be cool. You have to hang out with friends, listen to music, vent about stress—you obviously don’t have time for the stupid worksheets they gave you last class. If they think that you’re going to be doing that kinda stuff for the rest of your life, they’re wrong. What’s more, none of it even applies to you. You’re never going to need to know about global warming when you’re a billionaire.
Speaking of which, you cannot wait to get out of here. Your life is an outfit and going to high school is like wearing socks and sandals: disgusting.
But your parents don’t get it. They keep on yakking about your future—if anyone knows how to deal with your future, it’s obviously you. Either way, backpack or no, Too Kool 4 Skool Kid, you’re one of us.