Rumors abound of yet another fall holiday

James Ricks, Backpage Editor

As if stressing about Halloween, Black Friday and Christmas wasn’t enough, it’s come to our attention at Backpage headquarters that there is yet another holiday to worry about as the year comes to a close: the locals call it “Thanksgiving.” Apparently, before the revered tradition of Black Friday—hallowed be thy sales—primitive peoples would take time each year to be grateful for things in their lives.
How quaint.
But, in the spirit of connecting with our heritage, we tried to resurrect the age-old tradition by interviewing our fellow students. Though initially no one responded to our questions, we were able to get some good answers, providing counterfeit currency as incentive. What follows is the deepest gratitude from the hearts of Liberty Patriots—it’s no wonder this tradition died with the ancient Egyptians and Ronald Reagan.
Knowing that the humblest students would give us the best responses, we naturally started by interviewing the Liberty football team.
“I guess I’m just really grateful for all the people that came to see our games,” Tote Allyript said. “Sometimes when I wear my jersey to school, I worry that no one notices that I’m even on the football team. It’s kind of a big deal.”
We asked him to elaborate.
“Do you ever feel like people just don’t appreciate what you do?” Allyript said. “I don’t do this for me: it’s for the kids. It’s a shame that there’s only one day a year for people to appreciate that. Well, that and the games.”
Feeling optimistic about our endeavor, we moved on to the smartest department in the school: the math department. We started in Statistics, where we woke up the student closest to the door.
“I love my Stats class,” said S. Lee Pea. “I hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep, but then I transferred into Stats, and I’ve been doing better in all of my classes. Well, not Stats. But all of the others.”
By other classes she meant our next stop: team sports.
“I’m grateful that I saved this class for junior year,” D. Ed Beat said. “I was really worried when people told me this year was going to be hard, but choosing a P.E. class was a smart choice. It’s anything but.”
Finally knowing how it felt to be grateful—thanks to our fellow Patriots—we moved on to ceramics: our final stop.
“I’m eternally grateful that I took this class,” R. Tist said. “I had been worried, this being my senior year, about what I was going to do for a career, but after taking ceramics, I’m going to major in pottery. It’s so fulfilling; I love sinking my hands in gooey clay and making mugs in the shapes of animals.”
We hope that you, our dedicated Backpage fans, could feel the gratitude as strongly as we did, while we were conducting our interviews. It sure makes it easier to blow your wallet on Black Friday—hallowed be thy sales—knowing full well how blessed you are already, right?