Senioritis plagues students across the U.S.

Jordan Carlson, Backpage Editor

13 years of school, 12 hours of studying, 11 days per week, 10 fingers per person, 9 months of school, 8 class periods, 7 is a lucky number, 6 pics of homework answers, 5 cans of Red Bull, 4 comfy bed sheets, 3 sports seasons, 2 much school, and 1 bad case of Senioritis.

This stealthy disease is native to the lands of Liberty High School. Senioritis was first discovered by the class of 1980 when senior Cro Prastinator skipped English to play his Atari and unintentionally set off the over-stimulating and highly addictive chemical in the brain commonly known as LE (Lazious Effortine). Over the years the epidemic has spread through schools at an exponential rate and now affects 75% of school districts in the United States.

Commonly known to attack when stress levels are high, Senioritis can take effect at almost any time and in any situation. Making breakfast, changing your socks, doing homework, eating chocolate, getting dressed, blasting trap music, researching a topic, dusting your toilet lid collection, drinking water, feeding your pet turtle, and in rare cases writing a newspaper article. Studies have shown the biological effects of LE can be accelerated by multiple external stimuli such as the black hole of Netflix, YouTube, Tumblr, binge-snacking, Snapchat, cat videos, and listening to fire mixtapes.

Afflicted students have been known to self-quarantine themselves in order to protect fellow classmates. Instead of going to school they go to the movies or Chipotle so that others won’t fall victim to their condition. Seniors with more extreme cases have been known to be hospitalized and rendered unable to drive or operate writing utensils.

Students of the United States BE WARNED: Senioritis can, nay, will catch you. Save yourselves, stay home from school, sit on the couch and watch some good Alaskan Bush People. Whatever it takes to… to… umm, hmm yah I don’t know, looks like I made the word count, good luck!
Vaccine pending.