Bathroom Vandal Kid

Connor Cherry, Backpage Editor

Another day, another boring math lesson. Sitting in class pondering the lessons learned from Wolf of Wall Street, you heed nature’s call and you head off to the oasis that is the portable bathrooms in the concrete jungles of portable city. When you enter the temple, you remember that your friend recently vandalized the desks in his history class. Not to be outdone, you set in motion the rampage of bathroom vandalism that will forever cement your place in the pantheon of teenage delinquency. No bathroom was safe from your evil touch. On day one, the soap dispensers fell. On day two, the paper towels were used to insidiously flood the sinks and toilets. Day three saw a toilet lid thrown at the door of the humble supply closet and holes were punched in said door. Day four saw a lull in the violence when you unleashed your creative side and drew crass art that would rival the great masterpieces in the Louvre. Day five of the rampage saw a return to form with the breaking of the thermostat covers and cranking the temperatures to sauna levels. As you returned to the bathroom on day six with a can of spray paint and a lighter, dismay fell over you when the bathrooms were locked by the admin due to the vandalism. It doesn’t matter that you have single-handedly angered every guy by shutting down all of our cherished bathrooms. For now you will forever be enshrined in the memory of your peers. Bathroom vandal, you are, unfortunately, one of us.